MY STORY OF GRACE: PART 3 - The Grace Part

      January 2012: I attended The Pursuit for the first time; it had been a few weeks since I had attended the church I grew up in. As I stepped foot in the door of The Pursuit, I felt bare, like everyone could see the disgusting person I was. And maybe they could, but not for one moment have I felt they treated me differently because of it. I re-committed myself to Purity and surrendered myself to Christ and the life He desired for me to have in August of 2012 and every moment since then has been a constant battle between my spirit and my flesh. Since that day in August, I have fought tooth and nail for my spirit to win. I am sold-out to wherever God calls me to go, or whatever God calls me to do. I still struggle with my earthly desires of being physical, but at those moments, I turn to Christ, and He reminds me that my future husband deserves better than that. Yes, I have screwed up. Yes, I am broken. In spite of those things, I have Grace, through Christ.

Even though I have turned and ran from my sinful acts of living, and am now fully pursuing Christ's will for my life, I am still faced with the struggle of my depression. I have received treatment for it, off and on since 2009. I take medication daily; just so the chemicals in my brain are balanced enough for me to make rational decisions and feel the way a "normal" human feels. Every day, when my alarm on my phone reminds me its time to take it, my heart sinks and I have to remind myself why I take it. I'm not sure if it’s a pride issue or what, but knowing that I can't do it on my own is hard. The truth is, I've never been able to do it on my own, and I have always needed Christ. And it just so happens, that for now, I also need this pill. It’s a daily struggle between God and me, but more than anything, it draws me closer to Him. Even if every day I am asking God to take away my depression, I also am asking Him to give me His strength to get through the day.

     I know, that no matter what I do, what mistakes I make, that my God will never leave me or forsake me. Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life free from sin, and died the sinner's death on the cross for me and for you. Because of the sacrifice of Christ, I don't have to let the mistakes of my past, or future seperate me from my Creator. It is hard, to live the life we are called to live. That is why there is Grace, and Forgiveness, and Love. I wish I could take back the decisions I have made, but not for one second do I wish to take back the realtionship I have with Christ because of those choices.

I am a sinner. But I have been Saved and Forgiven by His Amazing Grace.